


glistering greed

by orphan_account



Category: Video Blogging RPF
Genre: Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Alternate Universe - Gods & Goddesses, Character Study, Drabble, Gen, God of Riches, Hybrids, I LOVE JSCHLATT MAN, Inspired by Music, Money, Office, Worldbuilding, anyways goat man, it basically is jus me worldbuilding and having fun with jschlatt's god character tbh, kinda? not really but it counts, namely biggering, yeah schlatts an alcoholic, yeahh, yeahhh mr jmoney
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-04
Updated: 2020-12-04
Packaged: 2021-03-09 20:15:12
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 917
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27852358
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: a small drabble i made about jschlatt, the ram-horned god of riches.
Relationships: Jschlatt & Wilbur Soot, does jschlatt and money count?
Comments: 3
Kudos: 27





	glistering greed

Somewhere in one of the many worlds, you could find a pristine spruce desk. It’s located in an office constructed out of netherite, diamond, quartz and emeralds. Surrounded by stacks of paper that resembled white skyscrapers. The desk was organized neatly to the owner’s liking. Box of the finest cigars (ash tray included) on the right, fountain pens on the right, stack of resumes or business contracts front, and an empty space in the middle. Behind the desk is a plush chair made specifically for back support and comfort. The arms were supported by small gold pillars. It was a dependable chair. 

Jschlatt can vouch, for he sat in it often. This desk and chair has been the site of where innumerable business endeavours have prospered and fallen from a literal swipe of a pen. You see, the stacks of paper aren’t any old paper; they’re from the followers of the ram god. Sent via cuck shed of course.

When starting a business, it is encouraged to build a cuck shed. Cuck sheds are where you essentially communicate with the god. Every offering you’ll ever give must be burned in the cuck shed. New businesses always burn their best product accompanied with what is more or less a resume. This will allow Schlatt to determine whether or not he favours your business. It’s always a loss to burn your best product before it even hits the shelves, but the reward gives a hundredfold of whatever profit you would’ve received from it. Business is a game riddled with worrisome risks sprinkled about the board though, so why not take this small risk?

Of course risks mean there is no guaranteed reward. Schlatt is not an easy-going god of benevolence. His mood is like the constant fluctuating of stocks. A joyous high can easily drop to a sour low, so do not test the impatient god. Any follower of Schlatt knew of the contract they signed their livelihoods away on. 

Those are what the contracts filed away in the bottom right drawer are. Schlatt knows every single word of every contract in that drawer. Most of it is the same old 60/40 deal, Schlatt receiving the shorter end of the stick. The businesses that are bound to the god have to generate a profit after all. Some of the more successful businesses even have a second contract for a 70/30 deal so they can forge better business deals. Schlatt lets them because in the end, when those businesses inevitably fail, he will be still here sipping a glass of aged Cabernet Sauvignon.

Schlatt is one of the few gods that toil endlessly for their jobs. But not out of necessity, no. Technically all that is considered of economic value belongs to Schlatt, but hoarding all the money is no fun. He preferred to ‘work’ for his money, plus watching people fight over it is great entertainment. Do you know how many men have gone insane in their lust for gold? Schlatt could name 38 so far this year. Some even destroyed valuable partnerships as they fell; something that Schlatt was all too familiar with.

Gods live forever, meaning relationships were as fickle as ocean waves. One century you could be close allies and the next you’re sworn enemies. An unfortunate truth Schlatt had faced too many times. The latest being his newfound rivalry with Wilbur Soot, siren god of the ocean. Apparently L’manburg’s rules have changed since last Schlatt visited the city beneath the depths. But was getting wasted beyond his limit and mentioning trade during a party he was invited to really the reason behind Wilbur throwing him out? The man wouldn’t even allow one of Schlatt’s favourite businesses to start digging in the ocean. Schlatt figured that last little bit would be why, he wouldn’t put it past the petty siren. 

No matter. The present will be a mere memory after a few decades. Wilbur will come around sooner or later. Better to pour a drink to make the ride faster, a precedent that Schlatt had come to accept as truth since forever. Away from this office he sat in, there was an underground cellar filled with the finest assortments of various alcohol. Wine, brandy, scotch, vodka, you name it and he could tell you his honest review of each version. He’s tasted them all; except cheap beer. Those were a poor man’s drink and his palette could not handle the soapy piss taste. Schlatt drank for the pleasure of temporary freedom and he expected a good experience through and through. Hangovers were the price though but he’d say they’re worth it. 

What could he say? He’s a party man when his 9 to 5 job is over. It wasn’t uncommon to spot Schlatt at one of the many parties the gods throw every single day. No god nor man has beaten him yet in a challenge of shots一 alcoholic of course. Excessive drinking has given him more than enough resistance to beat anyone. Though some may even go as far to say it was a problem. Not a problem to Schlatt, how could he ever have a problem? His favourite kind of drink could not possibly be a problem no matter what they say. There were no real repercussions with it in the end. Gods don’t die unless the people stop worshipping them or they forgot about them.

Schlatt would never be forgotten. Money is what makes the world go around after all.

**Author's Note:**

> yeah made this for myself because god!jschlatt poggers
> 
> yes i made cuck sheds jschlatt shrines it was the first thing i thought of   
> the cheap beer part is inspired by the one time i decided to try some beer and let me tell you i thought i fucking drank soap. that shit was ass. fuck bud light its nasty


End file.
